February 14
Years
ago I remember hearing a song called, "You don't bring me flowers
anymore." By Barbara Streisand and some guy whose name escapes me now.
It is a very depressing song about the end of a relationship, which has died from lack of attention. The chorus emphasis this fact as the title is sung with an extra sad feeling of melancholia.
I
was thinking about this the other day as Valentine's Day was approaching. I
honestly cannot remember the last time my hubby brought me flowers.
He used to
buy me flowers a lot, years ago, along with cute little stuffed animals, silly
little curios and various other inexpensive, but thoughtful gestures.
My
hubby also used to put a lot of thought and effort into the gifts he gave me
for special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
In the last few
years these gestures have become fewer and farther in between. If I were to
take a cue from Ms. Streisand I guess I should be getting the suitcase out and
finding a place to move, as my marriage is done, Kaput!
But is it really?
My
husband and I have been together almost sixteen years. In those years we have
raised a blended family of nine kids, two nephews, a few friends of the kids
that needed a place to crash for a while, two dogs, a scorpion, a mouse, a
stray cat and a homeless rabbit.
My husband accommodated my adoptive mother
living in his home for 8 years, even though she was not the easiest person to
get along with and had a knack for trying to cause upheaval in our family.
My husband dealt as best he could with my older boys acting out and getting in trouble and supported me in my endeavors to get them on the right path.
My Mel stepped up and took on the full financial load in our family so I could be home with our children and try and make sure that they got the attention, help and love they needed to deal with life's up and downs as part of a blended family.
My
husband paid for private schools, tutors, colleges, computers, sports fees,
trips abroad, books, clothes, cell phones, games systems, clothes, sneakers,
first dates, food and countless other things for our children. He has worked
more hours than I care to think and never once thought of himself first.
My
husband encouraged me to develop my acting career, my public speaking endeavors
and writing skills; sitting through endless readings and re-readings of
countless stories that I thought were stupid and he told me they were priceless.
My
husband has attended every game, recital, play, show, award ceremony and school
event for every kid, even when he hadn’t gotten any sleep after working 16 hour
shifts.
He taught kids how to swing a bat, throw a softball, run a base, shoot a basket, love unconditionally and many a nights he stayed up late to help mend a broken heart or counsel a troubled soul.
He bought our daughters special stuffed animals to nuzzle at night, dressed up for daughter/father dances and let a few tears flow at sweet sixteen passages of rite.
My husband cooked many a meal, even though
he wasn't the best cook, when I was sick and unable to take care of my family.
My
husband tells me he loves me with his hard work, honesty, dedication, respect
and the total trust we have in each other.
My
husband in all these years together, has never made me feel less of a person,
has given me wings to soar and always made me feel safe.
My husband shows his love by putting up with my dog, and all the trouble he gets into, even though my hubby doesn't like dogs, because he knows how much I love my silly dog and how much he means to me.
My husband shows me love in the way he
loves our grandson. In the way he records cartoons and movies that "his
Tiki man" might like and is happy when he sees how well our married son
and his family are doing.
My husband loves me in the way his
eyes light up when we are making plans to go to Florida to see our son play
baseball.
In the way he talks about how much
fun we are going to have talking, taking walks, hanging out and doing the silly
little things we enjoy doing together.
He shows me he cares by driving an
extra two hours out of the way so I can spend all the time I want searching for
sea shells at the beach and instead of being inpatient, he picks out shells and
rocks that he thinks I will like. My hubby always finds the most beautiful
shells and rocks, and when I tell him this, he says its only because they remind
him of me.
My hubby has given me a place to
call home, an amazing extended family of in laws that fill me beyond words.
While my husband isn't a Harlequin
romance hero, he isn’t snugly soft and he is rough around the edges, he
doesn't ride a white horse, he doesn't cry over sappy love songs, he doesn't
whisk me off to Paris on his private jet and he doesn't bring me flowers, he
does so much more.
After all these years I still know
that I am his girl and he is my guy, my best bud, my pain in my butt and the
only man in the whole world that gets me for who I am, not who he thinks I
should be.
Flowers whither and die just like
relationships can if we obsess over the material things that society tells us
our partners should or shouldn't be doing for us.
Relationships end because we are so
focused on having our partners make us happy.
Our happiness is not anyone
else's responsibility, but our own. The most loving, caring person in the world
cannot fulfill us, if we ourselves are not fulfilled; but the right person can
add joy, contentment and peace if we value the things that truly matter.
So this Valentine's day as my hubby
gives me a box of his favorite chocolates, which we both know he is going to
eat anyway, I will be thanking God that he doesn't send me flowers anymore.
I will also thank God that we have
the rest of our lives together, ahead of us!
