Time in a bottle!

This past weekend we went to the wedding of one of my ex-husband's nephews.

Even though I have been divorced from my ex-husband for almost 15 years and have been remarried for 12 years, I never stopped seeing him as "my" nephew.

My ex-husband and I have come to terms with our differences from our past marriage and have for the most part mended the bridge.

We are very friendly and have no awkwardness when we are in social settings together.

His family has also come to terms with the fact that they do not have to pick sides anymore and that it is okay to be friendly with me, without feeling that they are being disloyal to my ex.

With that said I had a really weird surrealistic experience during this wedding.

I felt a lot like Rip Van Winkle. A lot of these people, who at one time had been our friends and my family, I had not seen for almost 15 years.

Just like Rip Van Winkle woke after a twenty year slumber, I too felt like I had been dead asleep for 15 years when it came to this part of my past.

To say it was bizarre to see "kids" who were small when I got divorced and moved away; fully grown now, was a small understatement.

Even though I am happy with my life now, there was still this weird feeling of the what if?

As I looked around the room and saw all the families that used to be part of my life, there was a sense of loss and wonderment about what had I missed?

I was also surprised at times by the couples that "made" it and even more surprised by the ones that did not.

I felt a sense of sadness at the memories that I was not a part of, the birthdays, anniversaries and births that I had missed.

What got me the most was that it took my ex-husband and me, that long to get over ourselves and move on.

Had we done that sooner, as we should have, then I would not have felt like I had been asleep for 15 years; nor would I walk around wishing that time could be held in a bottle!

Regrets are a funny thing because I always have regrets about all the shoulda, coulda, wouldas, even though our lives have turned out great.

I wonder at times if maybe things would have been easier, less painful, less complicated for my boys and myself if we had stuck it out.

But if all I do is keep focusing on the regrets then I will miss all the memories being created in the present.

The main thing that I am grateful for, is that I did get over it!

Otherwise I would still be missing out on amazing memories with all these people who I still care about and love.

I now have the great times I shared with my boys, their cousins, my husband, my ex-husband and his awesome family!

I also have the future to look forward to, like new grand nieces and nephews, more weddings and other milestones.

For all the things my ex-husband and I did wrong I am glad this is one thing we did right!

I am also grateful that my hubby Mel is so supportive of me by letting me maintain these relationships without petty insecurities.

So Rip Van Winkle, wake the heck up and smell the sweet aroma of living!!

toolbar powered by Conduit

Comments

[Mars]

Aaaw that's sweet. I have my share of "ex" stories, being a single mom of three kids. I think I will have to post something about it in the near future. :)

[Stgreat]

This was very informative! With my family going through some things it can be uncomfortable for some! I like the blog and will be back!

[betty]

The fact that you can actually go to (EX) family functions is an interesting concept to me. I had both my parents together in my house for my first child's first birthday and neither of them could get over themselves. They tried but it was painfully obvious. They've been divorced 18 years. I was disappointed but what can you? This was a hopeful read, maybe one day my parents can get along.

[michael wong]

Hi, was wondering if you'd like to exchange links with me?
If yes, please leave your blog url as a comment at:
http://bigmoneylist.blogspot.com/
I'll link to you first, then when you have time link back k?
Thanks, Michael
BTW--I'm michaelwong38 on digg. If ever you want something dugg, just send me a shout anytime.

[Footyman]

We all have our "what if"s....I guess like you said, try focussing on the present and the future, instead of the past. That's the best way we can enjoy our lives.

My philosophy now is to look 10 years or more ahead and "look back". That is, in 2018, I want to say I have enjoyed my past 10 years, doing this and that (maybe for you, that includes going to the bday parties of your ex's nephew's children). Gee ..hope I don't sound confusing!!

Anyway, May the Lord bless you for the endeavors ahead ;)

[Laurie]

Most excellent post and very surreal.

I sit here and wonder what do you even comment on a post like this, you have said it all and so well?

I think it is great that you both have come such a long way, that both your lives turned out so well.

They say hind sight is always 20/20, but it doesn't mean it would have been better or turned out more rich than what you have now. Just make the best memories you can now.

Look at the bright side maybe other parts of the family had major things that they needed to work out and on and this way you are coming back into the family at a perfect time, avoiding the ugly stuff. lol

[threio]

Sometimes you got to let the paint dry after mending a fence.