February 12
Jessie had a basketball game today. I swear to goodness as I sat on the bench cheering my daughter's team on I felt like I was sitting with the Step-ford families.
You know that old movie where the husbands replace their wives and children with robots? Robots that would do anything they asked? But, mostly they sat quietly until their services were needed?
Like machines, no emotion or expressions?
Okay, I admit my daughter's team isn't exactly the Boston Celtics.
But I firmly believe that anything that is done to the best of someone's ability should be praised.
As I looked around me half of the parents weren't even paying attention to the game!
They were either talking to each other or on cell phones.
Not for nothing but what could be so interesting that it can't wait for 40 lousy minutes?
I have to admit I am an obnoxious parent!
You know the type, the one that gets to the recital two hours early to get a front row seat. You can't miss me I am the one with the video camera, digital camera, 35mm camera, tape recorder and steno pad crawling on her belly in heels to get a closer shot of whatever kid happens to be doing something!
Yeah I know it's a compulsion I have but I can't help myself!
You see my parents couldn't have cared less about me, never mind taking pictures.
The youngest picture that exists of me was when I was four years old and that one was taken by a neighbor!
But this isn't the reason I'm compulsive with my kids.
In my life I never had anyone there for me at any of my important events.
My adoptive mother was very strict and never let me do anything.
The few times that I did participate in anything, she was rarely there.
When I was small before I was seven she would go to all my school functions etc.
For some strange reason when we came to live in the United States she kind of lost interest in raising me.
Once my niece was born, my mother kind of forgot about me and focused on her own flesh and blood. I guess I wasn't cute or young enough anymore to keep her amused.
I once entered a talent show when I was in sixth grade.
I had to beg her for months to let me go.
She finally did and I won a ribbon for best musical selection. I had picked music from George M. Cohen.
My music teacher was a little surprised that this skinny Latina kid from the ghetto knew who George M. Cohen was.
I have to tell you honestly I lived a very lonely existence and television was my only companion (that and my dog Violeta but, yeah, that's another story for another day) my favorite shows were the old Hollywood musicals.
I had memorized all the songs and dance routines by heart.
When my mother was at work (she worked nights) I would lock myself in my room and watch all the old movies.
I would sing and dance along with the stars pretending I was Ginger Rogers or Dorothy Lamar. In my mind someday I would go and take Hollywood by storm.
But on this particular night I wanted to just take Cambridge, Massachusetts by storm!
I was very quiet and a bit of a bookworm, okay a mega bookworm!
Making friends was not easy for me. So I mostly kept to myself. As a result of my always having my nose in a book I excel academically but it wasn't a great way to make friends in a poor, inner city school!
The other kids would make fun of me and had nicknamed me "Professor Bookworm". Funny thing was that I knew they were trying to make fun of me, but I thought it was kind of cool! (See, I told you I was weird!)
It really didn't bother me.
For me to be in the talent show was totally out of character for me, at least in the real world. In my own dream world I had already won countless Oscars and Grammies!
I practiced countless hours looking forward to the night of the show.
When it was my turn to go on stage my stomach was doing somersaults and my mouth felt like the Sahara desert!
I just turn my back on the audience and when I turned around as the music started I was no longer "Me".
I was James Cagney! I went through the medley of "It's a Grand Old Flag", "He's a Yankee Doodle Boy" and "Over there"!
I know that I must have looked pretty silly since I had never taken a dance lesson in my life, but for those three minutes I was on fire.
The best thing was when I was done, people actually clapped and cheered! I was on cloud nine! I looked from one side of the school gym to the other expecting to see my mother and she was nowhere to be found!
The crazy thing was here were these other mothers, so called "welfare mothers", "single mothers", "Dysfunctional mothers" yet they were here cheering their kids on!
These were the people my mother was always criticizing yet they were here and she wasn't. These ladies were even cheering for those kids that weren't even theirs!
After the show was over I ran home through the darkness so happy with my success and my ribbon! I couldn't wait to see my mother's face!
I knew she would be so proud of me!
When I got home she was already there from work with her boyfriend. I showed her my blue ribbon and when she asked me what it was for I told her it was because I had picked the best music.
At that moment she and her boyfriend started laughing hysterically!
Is that the only thing you got this for? You must be horrible!
She threw the ribbon back at me and walked away laughing with her boyfriend into her bedroom and closed the door.
I turned and ran into my room and threw myself on my bed crying!
I had never been so crushed as I was in that moment. As I cried myself to sleep that night I made myself a promise.
I promised my future children that no matter what show or game or anything that they were in I would be there to cheer them on. I didn't care if they were the best or the not so the best!
I would be there to root for them, encourage them and just let them know how proud I was of them. It's funny because some people say that as their kids get older they don't want them around anymore.
That's a lie!
Our kids may not say it or show it, but they want us there! They need us there. Not just in body but in heart and soul!
I will never be able to explain to you how priceless it is to me to have my kids (Step, bio or otherwise) quickly looking for me, only to see a big smile break out over their faces when our eyes meet, or a simple sly nod from them.
That's all it takes. That's all I need. That's all they need!
In the time you spend talking to someone in the stands or on the cell phone you will miss something that you will never be able to get back, a precious memory of your child.
Just remember this; they grow-up in less than 19 years. Then they are off to college or on their own. This is the time that you will try to get them to call home or write. You want them to visit or hang out with you during the summer. But by then it's too late! Just like you did not have time for them when they were young they now have no time for you when they are older!
Where do you think they learned that from? Remember you will have the rest of your life to talk your head off!
As for me, you can't miss me I am the loud obnoxious parent with the big silly grin on her face.
Rooting for all the kids on the team, even the ones that are so called not so good! Although I will be especially loud for mine!
That's called a proud mama!
Either that or just a frustrated cheerleader!
