Big pressures, little people

 

 

February 13

 

The kids came home with their reports cards today.

Boy, I had never seen a more nervous bunch of kids than the ones filing out of the school today.

Some looked like they were walking the green mile. You know?

Dead man (child) walking!

It wasn't just the older ones either.

The little ones looked like someone had stolen their favorite pet!

Have we as a society become so success-driven that even our kids are suffering from the effects of "ladder-climbing" syndrome?

These are kids; their biggest worry should be what flavor Popsicle they're going to have after school!

Instead at these very young ages they are worried about what college they are going to go to or if they can secure an athletic scholarship!

I understand that grades are important. I also understand that having sports and other activities in their lives is also good too.

But if your child has so much planned that he needs a PDA just to keep track of his schedule, something is wrong! Childhood is something that is so fleeting!

It is gone in what 11, 13 years? After that High school slowly destroys whatever little amount of self-esteem we have left.

Then it's off to college and the real world!

Is it really so awful to let kids be kids a little longer?

What is this obsession that we have with making our kids grow up so fast?

Then when they are grown and gone out of our homes and our lives, we keep complaining about how much we miss them!

The growing number of children suffering from stress and depression in this country is staggering!

Children are having sex younger and younger. They are also having children of their own younger and contracting sexually transmitted diseases at an alarming rate!

When we see these statistics we act shocked! Why can't they just act their age? What's their hurry to grow up? Yet on the other hand we're constantly lecturing them about how they need to be mature, their grades need to be perfect and to be super-stars academically.

We tell them how if they don't play 4 or 5 sports year-round they won't be good enough to make a college team! Wait I know, we may not come right out and say it per say!

But it's very much implied in our attitudes and the way we talk to them.

Also at the same time the number of life threatening and crippling sports-related injuries occurring amount kids 11 to 16 years of age have skyrocketed in the last ten years!

Why?

Because they are being pushed too hard, too fast, too soon!

Think about this for a moment.

You have an average boy age 14 years of age. He plays baseball for his high school. Is that enough? No of course not!

If you want to get scouted for a good college, he needs to play Pony league, Legion Babe Ruth or on a traveling team.

So now you can have this boy playing on as much as three or four teams at the same time! Then after summer baseball is done, we now have fall league! Not enough? Now they also have indoor leagues and the ever increasing baseball camp, pitching camp, fielding camp, catching camp, running-the-bases camp and eating sunflower seeds right camp!

Some people might say, what wrong with that? It's good for him, gives him character. I'll tell you what's wrong with that!

It actually gives that 14 year old boy a 75% chance of suffering a career ending injury before he graduates high school! 75% chance!

Not only that studies show that they have a higher risk of burn out, depression and mood swings.

I don't know about you but is that really worth the price?

I won't be a hypocrite, our son Jose dreams of playing baseball professionally someday.

But a few summers ago I finally had to call my husband on the carpet. Jose got a serious injury during one of his games. The doctor was specific that he needed ten days to heal, yet he was back on the field in less than four days!

My husband has the ability to make a mountain crumble! Yet he was trying to make me believe he couldn't make Jose sit out the required ten days?

I wasn't buying it for one minute!

But since I am only his step-mom I bit my tongue.

By the time August came around my son was no longer happy. He wasn't having fun and he was stressed to the max. Can you imagine trying to keep track of four different uniforms, equipment and the schedules of each game?

It was utter madness!

I knew it wasn't his fault either.

I had set high standards for them academically, but my husband had set even higher ones athletically.

These standards, which were already ridiculous, in my young son's ignorance, he took it upon himself to set them even higher!

My son really thought that if he didn't get a scholarship his life would be over.

See this is where we create problems for our kids if we don't separate our life experiences from those of our kids!

My husband came from a poor, inner city family. His father couldn't have cared less if he went to college or not and basically told him he was on his own.

Because my husband didn't have a support system he wasn't able to play sports in college. He had to pay his own way through college while supporting a wife and small child.

After years of hearing this story my son thought if he didn't have a scholarship he was on his own! Why?

Because his dad never took the time to tell him that that had been his life not the one his son was destined to live!

My son had never been told, even though we thought it was implied, that we would be there to help out financially.

We as parents assume a lot!

I finally took him a side and set him straight. I told him that sports weren't everything and if he didn't get a scholarship, so what?

That's what they had student loans for!

I told him that not even professional athletes play year around and we didn't expect him to either.

I also told him it was okay to be just a goofy teen.

He would have plenty of time later on to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders but for now, he just needed to find out what the world was about!

Then I ordered him to go out that night and have a good time with his friends.

He looked at me like I was nuts!

But he got the point. He's still very driven, but now when I tell him it's time to go out, he takes me up on it!

When my kids walked out of school and got into the car it was funny to see them fight over whose report card I would read first.

Not because they were straight A students, but because they knew that as long as effort and conduct were good I would be okay with what the other grades were.

They knew that I loved them and accepted them not because of a letter on a piece of paper but because they were unique human beings, each with very different talents and abilities.

They also knew that I was going to point out all the good stuff before I asked them how we could help them in the areas that they were having challenges in.

The biggest thing for them was that they would get special treats not only for high marks but also for any improvements made.

They also knew that even if they hadn't improved enormously, consistence would be rewarded too; their rewards?

An afternoon of being a kid! We would all go roller-blading or maybe to the arcade!

We might even go out to eat somewhere special with miniature golfing after!

It was just a few hours of no schedules, no pressures, just us having fun and being young! Of course you know who the biggest kid is right? Yeah, you got it, ME!